Thankful

For as long as I can remember I have coped with the debilitating effects of depression, anxiety and chronic fatigue.  As with most of the ailments that trouble us as human beings, these weaknesses have thrown my life off balance and created an enormous amount of stress for my family.  I have learned to carefully craft a schedule that allows me to manage my illnesses and still participate in the areas of life that matter most to me. 

I am thankful for my Church Leaders, Professionals, Friends and Family members who have encouraged me to be the best that I can be through patience and longsuffering. Along the way I have been uplifted by inspired friends, medicated by caring doctors and counseled by giving therapists who gave me useful tools when the pain of it all seemed more than I could bear.  I read every book that I thought would help me and tried to apply healing principles to my life.  I have wanted to consult with a professional homeopath but always found myself short of the hundreds of dollars required to invest in that process.  I did some research and tried some adjustments to my nutrition and exercise to no avail.

I know that we all have our experiences for a reason and that God has strengthened me in my weakness. I also know that God hears and answers prayers. I am filled with profound gratitude for the latest blessing in my life.  About two years ago Chris’ Uncle Dust Cobb relocated to Arizona. It just so happens that Dust is an expert in the art of emotional and physical well-being. He is trained at an expert level in many of the healing arts including applied kinesiology and nutrition based healing.  Since moving here, he has applied his compassion and knowledge to my family helping Chris and each of my boys achieve new levels of health. Specifically for me, Dust has patiently introduced concepts to promote my own healing.  In all honesty, with a few adjustments in my habits and nutrition I have gained a level of emotional and physical health that I never thought would be possible for me!

In the true Spirit of Thanksgiving I want to share the talents of Uncle Dust with all of you.  His training and aptitude in this regard are meant to do more than bless my family.  I have encouraged Dust to provide Consulting and General Life Coaching using his skillful, compassionate approach.  I am extending his services to anyone out there in my Facebook world (and beyond) that could benefit or know of someone who could benefit.

Dust offers a personalized consultation that can be done in your home (he comes to you) or on the phone (if you prefer).  We have gift certificates available if there is anyone on your Christmas list who you think would be blessed by his knowledge and care as well. Message me if you are interested (or message Dust Cobb on Facebook) and I will give you more details.  He is very affordable and you will never meet anyone who is more genuinely invested in your health than Dust.  He is the greatest gift I could ever offer to any of you!

Thank you all for being there for me despite my weaknesses. You have each blessed my life in unique ways and I hope this will be an opportunity for me to bless yours as well.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Everything Happens for a Reason

How many times do we really want to hear those words when someone offers them up to us? Sometimes the pain of the moment over rides the ability to remember the cosmic relativity to all things we experience here on this earth. I find myself thinking and saying those words more frequently with my older sons who are starting to navigate the often times painful and some times brutal reality of the world in which we live.

Even my youngest (12 year old ) son has not been immune. Just recently he had what I thought was a mild allergic/asthmatic reaction to a rather dusty environment. He started coughing, choking a bit and gasping for air. I removed him from the situation thinking that he would calm down once we got him into some fresh air and cooled him down a bit. Unfortunately his symptoms escalated and my sweet son looked at me with terrified eyes believing in his little soul that he was going to die.  Apparently my "super mom" persona he adorned me with when he was very young has worn off because he did not believe for a second that I would be able to help him. I drove him to a near by CVS so that we could purchase an over the counter inhaler and a cold drink....still thinking he would calm down as we drove.

I had him sit in the air conditioned waiting area at the CVS while I got what I thought might help him breathe easier from the Pharmacist. When I turned around to offer him the cold drink and medicine he was hysterical and in a full on panic. By now he couldn't feel his hands and his feet were cramping up. I laid him down because he was certain that he was going to pass out. I tried to talk him through some breathing patterns and get him to take some medicine. He was too panicked. He was begging me to help him without being coherent enough to listen to what I was saying.

Interestingly although we were a side show for certain at the CVS no one approached to try and help us. I used my cell phone to call 9-1-1. As soon as a compassionate operator answered and talked me through what to say to my son I started to weep a little. This sent my son off the edge who thought this was certain validation that he was going to die. Poor guy! Maybe because I had the phone to my ear and he knew there was a power greater than "just mom" coaching me along...... he allowed me to help him stop hyperventilating and seemed to hear me when I told him that he would be ok....and that greater assistance was on the way!

I will never forget the look in his eyes as he was so afraid. I should have pulled in resources sooner I think because as soon as the paramedics arrived and started telling him the same things that I was.... he was able to maintain his composure and cooperate. I spoke with the Captain who was a wonderful, compassionate woman ..... she helped me assess what had  actually happened with my son. Although it is genetic the thought did not occur to me that the whole episode was a panic/anxiety attack. I have experienced these many times myself (although it was over 15 years ago) and I know there are many family members who struggle with this annoying genetic defect.

I am thankful to some extent that I was available to help him (as much as he would allow me ) since this is the first time he has experienced this. It is good to know that he is prone to anxiety and panic attacks in order to make sure he learns to manage his stress and be open to considering medication at some later point in his life as needed. It was a bullet I had hoped he would dodge...but there are worse things. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason!

My son and I thanked God in an extra fervent way that night. My son looked to me and said "What would I do without you mom....if you had not been there with me I could have literally been dead! YOU saved my life!" I quelled the drama of his statement by thanking him for his kind words and reassuring him that even if he had passed out he would not have died. Trying to educate him about the truth of what happened in order to hopefully keep extreme over reaction and fear (therefore more panic attacks ) at bay.

He is rolling with the punches and after a few days of resting he is back in the saddle of life. Have you had similar experiences with your children? It seems to be a whole new level of parenthood when we are faced with circumstances that are beyond our control!

Mixed emotions

I have about a handful of memories related to my father. Most of the time he was either in a rage, stoned, heartless or doing something completely impulsive and self serving. Makes it hard for me to embrace father's day. My father did have a huge influence on me though. Largely because of him I never drank, tried drugs, smoked or even allowed myself to want a family of my own.

My father was never a faithful man to my mother and even pulled a Jerry Springer style stunt bringing home his mistress and asking my mom to allow her to move in. That was the day my beaten down, abused, neglected and ill prepared mother grew a backbone and drew a line in the sand. My dad sat us down that day and broke all our hearts by introducing us to his new girlfriend....abdicating himself as our father and moving away. My mom always said the best thing that ever happened to us was that dad left. His drunken rages against my mother and horrible physical abuse he inflicted upon my older siblings was a ticking time bomb.

The horrible consequences of what my mom endured as a single mother with no family support at all....the isolation and endless hours of misery left me feeling that I never wanted to risk bringing a child into the world. I never wanted a child of mine to have their heart ripped out and their self esteem shattered due to any man who would not honor his sacred obligation as father and husband.

Amazingly and I dare say miraculously,  I met a wonderful man in college who was willing to embrace a lifestyle that was free from alcohol and drugs. He was also a man who valued commitment to family. He was able to articulate why he felt the way he did about family and challenged my own embittered beliefs about family and relationships in general. He taught me that it was worth it to risk loving someone enough to commit to raising a family with him. He took my broken, unwanted heart and mended it......beautifully allowing me to learn how to trust and value myself for the first time in my life.

When I met Chris he chose to love me. He was the first man in my life who valued me on a level that inspired me to have hope in the nature of family and in my role as a mother. There are scars still today that I have worked on allowing my Savior to heal from my childhood. There are roads that I have walked where I thought that the pain would be too much to bear. The pain of letting go of the memory of my dad who chose not to cherish me ..... and who died before I could ever ask him why we were never enough for him.

My heart is full when I look at my sons and can say today that not only do I have a husband who fully embraces his role as a father, he also has chosen to figure out how to love me as his wife and the mother of his children....which I am sure he would be the first to admit that this was no easy task! Our three sons, I have hope, will become wonderful husbands and fathers themselves. Our boys are uniquely devoted in a wonderful way to family values and have forged strong friendships with each other.  They have the father that each child deserves and that I wish I had to rely on when growing up. I am eternally thankful for the hand of God in my life. I would not be who I am today without His guiding influence helping my family succeed. I feel like I am a pioneer of sorts....working not to perpetuate the sins of my father.

Now my greatest sorrow has become my choicest blessing. The love of my life is a better father and husband that I could have ever hoped for or felt to deserve.

What are the memories you have of your father? I would love to hear them. : )

Slowly but surely

I was just thinking how nice it was that I could actually find where I put the scissors AND the scotch tape....plus the ribbon AND the wrapping paper for a special gift....in less than three minutes today! WOW. This is a big deal for someone like me who is scatter brained and organizationally challenged.

I honestly remember when my kids were young, being so overwhelmed with the house work in our tiny apartment that I would drape a bath towel over the dirty dishes in the kitchen and just pretend they were not there! Trudging to the laundromat ....when I did not have enough quarters....did not happen often enough back then. I would have mounds and mounds of laundry to do when I finally got around to the laundry.

The whole idea of keeping up always alluded me. I would be the kind of person who would DIE of embarrassment if someone showed up to my home un announced and saw the ongoing mess. I did not want anyone to really KNOW how far behind I perpetually was with my housework!

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, the inexperience, the mundane routine of never ending thankless tasks but I was way behind the learning curve when it came to "keeping" my house!  One day I saw a little sign posted in a store that gave me some perspective. It said something like "Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it is still snowing!" Boy can I relate to THAT saying! Nevertheless there are people who seem to know how to keep it all in order and actually wash their dishes rather than cover them up like I used to do.

Amazingly enough it is funny now for me to look back and see how far I have come. I am still not the neatest and most organized person on the planet but I have come a long way. There is even a sense of order in my house for the most part and you have no idea what a miracle it is to be able to find what I need when I need it! It has been a slow, almost imperceptible process of setting little goals to get each small aspect of my life in order. I know my family is thankful that I did not give up and that I slowly but surely have been able to figure out how to better master the art of "taking care of business". 

I am sure there are those of you out there who are experts at keeping up with the necessary evils and making order out of the chaos of life. Can you share with us how you do it?

Food glorious food!

If I ever stop to calculate how many meals I have made for my family over the years and how much time I spend shopping, storing, searching for new recipes.....and throwing away old leftovers I think you would hear my primal scream for miles! I have yet to master the art of food. Although I do have more success than failures now (after 20 years) I would still opt for a hired chef to take care of all those details if I were ever rich and famous!

To add to the complication I have a husband (wonderful as he is) who has a nutty schedule and can seemingly go for days without really eating. He runs his own companies and spends most if his day lost in the complexity of running his day to day operations. Anyone in my position knows that means there is no real work schedule....work just happens every minute of every day....which has made it a challenge to plan meal time schedules with any regularity.

In addition I have a wonderful 17 year old son who has been a competitive gymnast for most of his life. His weekly workout routine would put most serious athletes to shame. He has always had a waxing and waning (mostly waning) appetite. This makes it hard for him to eat too much before or after a work out. He boils down to needing several small meals a day which never coincide with the regular meal times I try to establish for the rest of my family.

How have you managed to personalize a meal plan that works for your family and doesn't have you always eating out? I dont want to be the mom who has the kids run out and get into the car when ever she announces that its time to eat! I also hate wasting food or spending an inordinate amount of time preparing food that no one is hungry enough to eat. It is never a good thing if I am the only one hungry at dinner time!

I often end up buying the pre prepared meals from Fresh and Easy which are as the store name suggests...."fresh" and "easy". Sometimes I end up grocery shopping several times a week because it is too hard to know who will be home and who will need to be fed. We have a grill and I like to get certain meats to freeze so we can whip up a last minute BBQ. Many times my husband will come into the kitchen at 10 pm suddenly starving for dinner so I have a lot of canned chicken and tuna on hand and I can put together a pretty decent meal in ten minutes or less.

What have you done that works for you and your family? Do you have any practical, favorite web sites that have really helped you with your meal planning and food use?

Unexpected Adventure

I still remember how I felt about eighteen and a half years ago when my mother in law left after a week of helping me with my first, new born son and wished me good luck. Somehow I was so overwhelmed and anxious that I thought I could never accomplish what I needed to as a mother. Being responsible for a new life...... for the rest of my life suddenly felt like a BIG risk for this poor little guy who would become the guinea pig for all of my mothering ineptness. It just did not seem fair to him. What I lack in experience I have always (as I suppose all mothers do ) tried to make up for with love, effort and devotion. I never understood how moms could work AND effectively raise their kids. I felt like I barely had enough capacity to make sure I did not screw up as a mom let alone establish a career AND figure out how to raise my son to be the best he could be!  Hats off to you many wonderful mothers who have figured out how to do both with great success. I know that there are many of you out there and you are an inspiration!

I am certain that my initial feelings of inadequacy as a new mom rubbed off on my sweet little boy and he was a 'colicky' baby who cried every where we went and whenever I left him with a sitter...which was not often! I had little support from other moms and found myself woefully unable with even the tasks that I felt should have come naturally like breastfeeding and sleeping! My husband and I were struggling to figure out how to complete his college education (since I had already completed my degree) and support ourselves. In over our heads with a moderate dose of continual sleep deprivation we turned on each other more often than not and I am sure that frustration did not help the stress my son was experiencing while he was in infancy. Can any of you relate to that?

Despite our foibles and many long nights with tears and heart breaks as we tried everything we knew how to comfort the new love of our lives.....we figured out how to enjoy our adventure together as parents.  We even managed to have two more lovely sons along the way. We learned that many new parents were in the same boat as we were back then and did not know what to do or how to manage. Oh how I wish there had been Internet blogging back in the dark ages with helpful sites for mothers who needed to connect with those a little further down the path!

It is amazing that technology can provide this support network now. I remember feeling very isolated and often depressed as a stay at home mom who chose mothering rather than a career. I value and still have used the benefits of my college education while raising my children and serving in the community. In all honesty nothing mattered more to me after I gave birth to my son than 'getting it right' with my children......as 'right' as a human being can get it I guess. What that meant for me was focusing all my energy and efforts towards my children. At the same time learning not to hover and that no matter what I had tried to read or absorb from other parents there would be certain situations that required me to 'wing it' and use that ever touted 'intuition' that I eventually developed to escort my sons through the painful, confusing and often cruel moments of life. I have never regretted my decision for a moment and know it has been the best path for me.

As my oldest son is now entering into 'adulthood' and heading off (down the street) to college, I find myself on the cusp of a new learning curve. How to be the mother of an adult son? I am sure many of us have frequently cringed at the thought of our relationships with our own children souring in adulthood as they may have with our own parents. I am tired of hearing depressing phrases from so many mothers who are years ahead of me saying 'it only gets worse' as the children grow up. How about you?  Have you heard comments like that more often than not yourselves? Many times those same parents said to me that the teenage years would be a nightmare as well. I have not found that to be the case. My boys are not perfect, for certain, but they are good young men who contribute positively to our home and bless my life everyday. Do any of you out there have positive experiences to share or success stories about your young adult, or older adult children and how that relationship has evolved? If so I would love to hear from you so that I can be better prepared along the way!