I still remember how I felt about eighteen and a half years ago when my mother in law left after a week of helping me with my first, new born son and wished me good luck. Somehow I was so overwhelmed and anxious that I thought I could never accomplish what I needed to as a mother. Being responsible for a new life...... for the rest of my life suddenly felt like a BIG risk for this poor little guy who would become the guinea pig for all of my mothering ineptness. It just did not seem fair to him. What I lack in experience I have always (as I suppose all mothers do ) tried to make up for with love, effort and devotion. I never understood how moms could work AND effectively raise their kids. I felt like I barely had enough capacity to make sure I did not screw up as a mom let alone establish a career AND figure out how to raise my son to be the best he could be! Hats off to you many wonderful mothers who have figured out how to do both with great success. I know that there are many of you out there and you are an inspiration!
I am certain that my initial feelings of inadequacy as a new mom rubbed off on my sweet little boy and he was a 'colicky' baby who cried every where we went and whenever I left him with a sitter...which was not often! I had little support from other moms and found myself woefully unable with even the tasks that I felt should have come naturally like breastfeeding and sleeping! My husband and I were struggling to figure out how to complete his college education (since I had already completed my degree) and support ourselves. In over our heads with a moderate dose of continual sleep deprivation we turned on each other more often than not and I am sure that frustration did not help the stress my son was experiencing while he was in infancy. Can any of you relate to that?
Despite our foibles and many long nights with tears and heart breaks as we tried everything we knew how to comfort the new love of our lives.....we figured out how to enjoy our adventure together as parents. We even managed to have two more lovely sons along the way. We learned that many new parents were in the same boat as we were back then and did not know what to do or how to manage. Oh how I wish there had been Internet blogging back in the dark ages with helpful sites for mothers who needed to connect with those a little further down the path!
It is amazing that technology can provide this support network now. I remember feeling very isolated and often depressed as a stay at home mom who chose mothering rather than a career. I value and still have used the benefits of my college education while raising my children and serving in the community. In all honesty nothing mattered more to me after I gave birth to my son than 'getting it right' with my children......as 'right' as a human being can get it I guess. What that meant for me was focusing all my energy and efforts towards my children. At the same time learning not to hover and that no matter what I had tried to read or absorb from other parents there would be certain situations that required me to 'wing it' and use that ever touted 'intuition' that I eventually developed to escort my sons through the painful, confusing and often cruel moments of life. I have never regretted my decision for a moment and know it has been the best path for me.
As my oldest son is now entering into 'adulthood' and heading off (down the street) to college, I find myself on the cusp of a new learning curve. How to be the mother of an adult son? I am sure many of us have frequently cringed at the thought of our relationships with our own children souring in adulthood as they may have with our own parents. I am tired of hearing depressing phrases from so many mothers who are years ahead of me saying 'it only gets worse' as the children grow up. How about you? Have you heard comments like that more often than not yourselves? Many times those same parents said to me that the teenage years would be a nightmare as well. I have not found that to be the case. My boys are not perfect, for certain, but they are good young men who contribute positively to our home and bless my life everyday. Do any of you out there have positive experiences to share or success stories about your young adult, or older adult children and how that relationship has evolved? If so I would love to hear from you so that I can be better prepared along the way!
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